Getting fired is awesome. Especially when it's by Matt Kass. If you think he yells a lot normally, you should hear him fire someone. The yelling starts across the building and he just repeats "you're fired!" a lot.
So I got fired. I kind of knew it was coming. I mean, what else can you expect when you try to do your job? People like to get paid on time. They don't like to get yelled at. I figured since the latter was pretty much a guarantee, I would try to make the former happen. Unfortunately I made the mistake of asking the wrong person for their hours, I think.
Actually, I'm not quite sure what happened. Dave asked, and I was like, I tried to do payroll. He responded, "Isn't that what you do?"
Today was shaping up to be a great day. Matt was going to Seattle and I was going to do payroll so I could feel useful. And I saw a "Rover Guy" sticker on Aj's desk. I pointed it out to Dave. "He probably has an Avatar Rover Guy61!"
I miss Dave.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
June 22, 2007
Friday's are awesome. You may have noticed I didn't come in yesterday. It was go skateboarding day, so I skated for an hour instead. I am here now because I would hate to miss a Friday, although no one else seems to feel the same. It's mostly a ghost town around here. Bad, because palettes of products are beginning to arrive. Apparently AJ tried to help unload one yesterday, but got yelled at because he "is not a warehouse employee."
Dave has been MIA for three days. It's hard to write this blog with out Dave because he is the only one who is actually funny (and not just funny to make fun of.) AJ announced he was planning to drive over to Dave's house to get him. I guess AJ is good for something.
Bayne hasn't been here in weeks either. I guess the experienced ones know to stay away this time of year. Not me, I am a glutton for punishment, so I keep coming back. They moved my desk. Now I am in front of the window and can see everything going on (or that nothing is going on, more realistically.) Of course, they can see me too. Bastards.
Dave has been MIA for three days. It's hard to write this blog with out Dave because he is the only one who is actually funny (and not just funny to make fun of.) AJ announced he was planning to drive over to Dave's house to get him. I guess AJ is good for something.
Bayne hasn't been here in weeks either. I guess the experienced ones know to stay away this time of year. Not me, I am a glutton for punishment, so I keep coming back. They moved my desk. Now I am in front of the window and can see everything going on (or that nothing is going on, more realistically.) Of course, they can see me too. Bastards.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
June 20, 2007
The blind guy is awesome. This post is dedicated to him. I should start by saying I have no opinion on him personally and I am in no way hating. The fact that he is a 40-year-old partially blind dude just makes the situation all that more amusing.
The policy at Grenade is that people should always be incompetent at their jobs. If they start to figure out what they are doing, it is time for a new job. And then there are people hired just to be there. I swear, some of us work, some of the time. But there are some people who really are hired for no purpose. If they hang around long enough, eventually they fall into a role, but surviving those first few weeks of nothing is always the interesting part.
Enter the blind dude. He's been here for about two weeks. Matt hired him to fold goggle boxes, but apparently that isn't happening yet. I assume he was a bar hire, because I don't think he he friends with anyone, but I really don't know where he came from. Even though there was no work for him, Matt told him to just keep showing up. He spent a few days setting up utilities for the Mt. Hood shop, but now he just sits there. Apparently he doesn't have Myspace so he sits and stares. Oh and I found out the blind guy cane is because he has no peripheral vision. He can only see straight ahead. Kind of like kids at the skatepark.
Anyway, he really wants to work. So desperately that if you print something out, he grabs it and delivers it in a matter of seconds. I assigned him to babysit a fax. He was clearly excited. Paychecks came. He is babysitting those now. I guess his job is the answer the phone. But we only really have one working phone line (the other cuts out the internet when you use it.) Of course next week, he'll probably be the new AJ, like Kelly is the new me.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
June 19, 2007
Being upstairs is awesome. But sometimes I need to venture downstairs to get full enjoyment out of Grenade. In the skatepark/shop storage area I found Tom counting skateboards. Tom is always full of exciting news, and he told me that Cole "the kid" would soon be featured in a full page something in a magazine.
"Being drunk or stoned?" I asked.
"No, playing air guitar," Tom said.
"Oh, I really like his air drumming better."
"Yeah," Tom said, "it's cool he can play so many instruments.
As if on cue, Cole staggered up looking for work. Tom sent him to grab some boxes of skateboards that had arrived. Somewhat confused, Colse started to walk in the wrong direction, so Tom pointed to the box he'd already retrieved again. "They look just like this one." As Cole walked off to the boxes 50 feet away, Tom said, " Good thing he has a photographic memory!"
In upstairs news, Dave is still working on the Grenade lifevest. It is to be called the "Wapp Vest." I commented he spelled wakeboarding wrong. He didn't think it was funny.
Matt is off on a mission to the bins, which is good because we need more junk.
The best news of the day, payroll went through, so the Grenerds finally got paid! Dave is celebrating by writing a "To Catch a Predator" spoof. It involves burying a Bavarian sausage in the mud. It's gonna be good.
"Being drunk or stoned?" I asked.
"No, playing air guitar," Tom said.
"Oh, I really like his air drumming better."
"Yeah," Tom said, "it's cool he can play so many instruments.
As if on cue, Cole staggered up looking for work. Tom sent him to grab some boxes of skateboards that had arrived. Somewhat confused, Colse started to walk in the wrong direction, so Tom pointed to the box he'd already retrieved again. "They look just like this one." As Cole walked off to the boxes 50 feet away, Tom said, " Good thing he has a photographic memory!"
In upstairs news, Dave is still working on the Grenade lifevest. It is to be called the "Wapp Vest." I commented he spelled wakeboarding wrong. He didn't think it was funny.
Matt is off on a mission to the bins, which is good because we need more junk.
The best news of the day, payroll went through, so the Grenerds finally got paid! Dave is celebrating by writing a "To Catch a Predator" spoof. It involves burying a Bavarian sausage in the mud. It's gonna be good.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Racist Dave...
...Is definitely designing something that resembles a life vest right now. When I asked if Grenade was branching into wakeskating, he got pissed. It made me laugh.
June 18, 2007
Monday's are awesome. This morning, the blind dude came in asking everyone how their weekend was. Clearly, he wanted them to ask about his. Finally, some one took the bait, and he responded, "crazy!" It wasn't long before his camera was out and he was showing photos of himself drunk. I should add I recently found out he was born in 1968.
Matt did some yelling. I'm not sure who was on the other end, but the general gist was that just because he was your bro at the bar, doesn't mean he's your bro at work. Then he started on me. Some highlights include, "I am not a phone book or an IT guy," and "You don't do anything until I tell you to do it," "I am a good communicator," and "I'M THE BOSS!" What I gleaned from my lecture is that I am to sit here idly until he decides what he wants me to do.
In more amusing news, an angry Asian called regarding the Chinese-eyed Downhill at the Grenade Games, demanding a public apology. Luckily, Dave fielded this one. He calmly explained that we didn't need to apologize, while making exasperated faces in my office. When he got off the phone, he said that Asian Tony came up with the name, so it was clearly not offensive to Asians. Well actually, Dave came up with the name and ran it by Asian Tony. Whatever. Since then every time he leaves, he asks if any more angry Asians called while he was gone.
Later, Matt was walking around with a oar, calling for Grenade capital punishment.
Matt did some yelling. I'm not sure who was on the other end, but the general gist was that just because he was your bro at the bar, doesn't mean he's your bro at work. Then he started on me. Some highlights include, "I am not a phone book or an IT guy," and "You don't do anything until I tell you to do it," "I am a good communicator," and "I'M THE BOSS!" What I gleaned from my lecture is that I am to sit here idly until he decides what he wants me to do.
In more amusing news, an angry Asian called regarding the Chinese-eyed Downhill at the Grenade Games, demanding a public apology. Luckily, Dave fielded this one. He calmly explained that we didn't need to apologize, while making exasperated faces in my office. When he got off the phone, he said that Asian Tony came up with the name, so it was clearly not offensive to Asians. Well actually, Dave came up with the name and ran it by Asian Tony. Whatever. Since then every time he leaves, he asks if any more angry Asians called while he was gone.
Later, Matt was walking around with a oar, calling for Grenade capital punishment.
Welcome to 82nd
Grenade is awesome. It is a snowboard company with a lot of people who used to snowboard. A few who still do, and some that even win Olympic medals on occasion. But none of those people work here. This is 82nd. It is our warehouse. Our business office. A skateshop and skatepark. It's where we store boats, broken-down video games and left over product. At and given time there are at least 5 dogs. Sometimes they fight.
It is our slow season, which means its time to catch up on all the things that have been fucked up over the last, well, six years we've been in business. This causes the Great Oz, Matt Kass, to yell and occasionally blow smoke out of his ears. Many people quit (or get fired) this time of year. If you make it through, you go back to having an awesome job. If you don't, well, you probably find a better job somewhere. But your photos will remain as the screen saver for your computer indefinitely.
There are a few strongholds in the company. They have been employed by Grenade in some way for several years. There is AJ. He is "customer service" I think. I'm not really sure what he actually does, but when it involves professional snowboarders, he makes sure to think out loud. "Scotty Arnold says he wears Bob Gnarly's, but I am not sending him gloves no one will publish." He is usually referred to as the Human Sticker Pack, and still claims to snowboard. He definitely has Grenade tattoos. If you sit anywhere near him, you know all about his two trucks, and his awesome hangovers.
Dave is my favorite. He helped get Grenade off the ground by giving Matt a loan. Matt wouldn't pay it back until Dave was going to spend it on something good. Now he sits in the corner and designs stuff. He used to invoice, but he is no longer allowed to do that. He recently described Grenade as a "junkyard." He is quite hilarious. He has a dog named Reddick and a house he can't quite afford. He has been known to wear snowboard pants because his only other pair of jeans (tight black stretch pants actually) are dirty and it's too cold for shorts. He used to have a mohawk, but it has since grown out. Again, he is my favorite.
Bayne hasn't come around much lately. Bayne is from my hometown. He was really good at skateboarding. Now he runs the shop downtown. It's some sort of outlet that sells long boards and spray paint. People steal stuff all the time. Theoretically, he handles inside sales. Occasionally he is on the phone shmoozing people to buy SP bindings, which we licensed, but didn't bother to market. He is also in charge of RAs (that's return authorization). Though he keeps a record of it, no one really ever knows what's going on. He has a shoe with a bamboo plant on his desk.
Downstairs Jesse is the king. Well, actually Matt is king of everything, but if Matt isn't paying attention, Jesse is in charge. Jesse, or House, as he's also called, has a stripper girlfriend who keeps him out until 5 am. He acts tough, and doesn't change his clothes very often, but deep down he is nice. I think he might also be a pro snowboarder, or former pro snowboarder. He hates packing boxes and always talks about how much more he got paid at Betty Rides. He used to have a den downstairs where they kept dogs and smoked weed, but Matt made him clean it out. Now there are just a few shirts hanging from the ceiling.
Then there are the grunts. The grunts are amazing, because none of them have any idea what they are doing. It will take them a week to paint one wall. Putting a sticker on the door is a two man job. They spend most of their time a Rosco's, the bar across the street. A few of them have been temporarily banned from the establishment. A quick breakdown of the grunts:
Cole-- Spends most of his time air drumming. Often comes upstairs to announce his latest great idea. "Baloons made out of bubble gum" being my favorite.
Jamie-- The smartest of the grunts. I think he may actually be going to school and trying to better himself.
Curtis-- A total rocker. Long hair, tight jeans. Funny dude, not much of a worker, the secretary definitely has a crush on him.
Oh yeah, then there is Forest. Dark Forest to be exact. At one point we had three Forest's. This one is the most amazing though. He's maintainence supervisor i guess. He is allowed to have assistants. He worked for months without getting paid because he was on workman's comp. He built the entire skatepark and probably some other stuff to. Then, when he was no longer getting workman's comp, he asked if he could get paid for all those hours. Apparently he had gotten more product than he needed and the guys at the shop were over it. Now he gets paid, is a staple at Rosco's and is always good for entertainment. Oh yeah, and he has an awesome mustache.
Back upstairs there are a few more people. Kelly was hired to be the morning receptionist, but since she is not retarded, quickly fell into the role of Matt's personal assistant. She doesn't skate and she's not a dirtbag. But she manages to put up with everything anyway. There is the other Matt. I call him the blind guy cause he carries a blind guy cane. I think he was hired to fold goggle boxes but now he is a receptionist. He mostly sits and stares at the phones, willing them to ring. When they do he answers, "Grenade, how can I help you?" Jen used to work here. She did credits and general office work. But she's knocked up, and her existing child is now on summer vacation, so she won't be coming around for awhile.
There is also a shop out there. It is run by Tom. Tom is always positive, always stoked. I think he was hired to help run the company, but ended up just running a shop. He is always trying to make shit happen for people. He loves his employees.
His employees are:
Kailey--She may also be his personal assistant. She's afraid of Jesse and lives at Tom's house.
Willis-- Amazing at skateboarding, not so good at life. When all the Grenerds got charged for damaging a hotel in Seattle, he got charged the most.
Forest--Forest is nice. He lives in Gresham.
Traci-- Traci used to work upstairs. She got cut off cause all she did is play on Myspace. Now she sets up skateboards.
There are always others coming and going. I think Matt hired the bartender from Rosco's to walk his dog. Shane Flood comes by the fix bikes. There are always a ton of old trucks in the parking lot. Oh yeah, and there is a garden on the roof. And no, they are not growing weed.
It is our slow season, which means its time to catch up on all the things that have been fucked up over the last, well, six years we've been in business. This causes the Great Oz, Matt Kass, to yell and occasionally blow smoke out of his ears. Many people quit (or get fired) this time of year. If you make it through, you go back to having an awesome job. If you don't, well, you probably find a better job somewhere. But your photos will remain as the screen saver for your computer indefinitely.
There are a few strongholds in the company. They have been employed by Grenade in some way for several years. There is AJ. He is "customer service" I think. I'm not really sure what he actually does, but when it involves professional snowboarders, he makes sure to think out loud. "Scotty Arnold says he wears Bob Gnarly's, but I am not sending him gloves no one will publish." He is usually referred to as the Human Sticker Pack, and still claims to snowboard. He definitely has Grenade tattoos. If you sit anywhere near him, you know all about his two trucks, and his awesome hangovers.
Dave is my favorite. He helped get Grenade off the ground by giving Matt a loan. Matt wouldn't pay it back until Dave was going to spend it on something good. Now he sits in the corner and designs stuff. He used to invoice, but he is no longer allowed to do that. He recently described Grenade as a "junkyard." He is quite hilarious. He has a dog named Reddick and a house he can't quite afford. He has been known to wear snowboard pants because his only other pair of jeans (tight black stretch pants actually) are dirty and it's too cold for shorts. He used to have a mohawk, but it has since grown out. Again, he is my favorite.
Bayne hasn't come around much lately. Bayne is from my hometown. He was really good at skateboarding. Now he runs the shop downtown. It's some sort of outlet that sells long boards and spray paint. People steal stuff all the time. Theoretically, he handles inside sales. Occasionally he is on the phone shmoozing people to buy SP bindings, which we licensed, but didn't bother to market. He is also in charge of RAs (that's return authorization). Though he keeps a record of it, no one really ever knows what's going on. He has a shoe with a bamboo plant on his desk.
Downstairs Jesse is the king. Well, actually Matt is king of everything, but if Matt isn't paying attention, Jesse is in charge. Jesse, or House, as he's also called, has a stripper girlfriend who keeps him out until 5 am. He acts tough, and doesn't change his clothes very often, but deep down he is nice. I think he might also be a pro snowboarder, or former pro snowboarder. He hates packing boxes and always talks about how much more he got paid at Betty Rides. He used to have a den downstairs where they kept dogs and smoked weed, but Matt made him clean it out. Now there are just a few shirts hanging from the ceiling.
Then there are the grunts. The grunts are amazing, because none of them have any idea what they are doing. It will take them a week to paint one wall. Putting a sticker on the door is a two man job. They spend most of their time a Rosco's, the bar across the street. A few of them have been temporarily banned from the establishment. A quick breakdown of the grunts:
Cole-- Spends most of his time air drumming. Often comes upstairs to announce his latest great idea. "Baloons made out of bubble gum" being my favorite.
Jamie-- The smartest of the grunts. I think he may actually be going to school and trying to better himself.
Curtis-- A total rocker. Long hair, tight jeans. Funny dude, not much of a worker, the secretary definitely has a crush on him.
Oh yeah, then there is Forest. Dark Forest to be exact. At one point we had three Forest's. This one is the most amazing though. He's maintainence supervisor i guess. He is allowed to have assistants. He worked for months without getting paid because he was on workman's comp. He built the entire skatepark and probably some other stuff to. Then, when he was no longer getting workman's comp, he asked if he could get paid for all those hours. Apparently he had gotten more product than he needed and the guys at the shop were over it. Now he gets paid, is a staple at Rosco's and is always good for entertainment. Oh yeah, and he has an awesome mustache.
Back upstairs there are a few more people. Kelly was hired to be the morning receptionist, but since she is not retarded, quickly fell into the role of Matt's personal assistant. She doesn't skate and she's not a dirtbag. But she manages to put up with everything anyway. There is the other Matt. I call him the blind guy cause he carries a blind guy cane. I think he was hired to fold goggle boxes but now he is a receptionist. He mostly sits and stares at the phones, willing them to ring. When they do he answers, "Grenade, how can I help you?" Jen used to work here. She did credits and general office work. But she's knocked up, and her existing child is now on summer vacation, so she won't be coming around for awhile.
There is also a shop out there. It is run by Tom. Tom is always positive, always stoked. I think he was hired to help run the company, but ended up just running a shop. He is always trying to make shit happen for people. He loves his employees.
His employees are:
Kailey--She may also be his personal assistant. She's afraid of Jesse and lives at Tom's house.
Willis-- Amazing at skateboarding, not so good at life. When all the Grenerds got charged for damaging a hotel in Seattle, he got charged the most.
Forest--Forest is nice. He lives in Gresham.
Traci-- Traci used to work upstairs. She got cut off cause all she did is play on Myspace. Now she sets up skateboards.
There are always others coming and going. I think Matt hired the bartender from Rosco's to walk his dog. Shane Flood comes by the fix bikes. There are always a ton of old trucks in the parking lot. Oh yeah, and there is a garden on the roof. And no, they are not growing weed.
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